


Heavy

by Hazling



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Car Accident, Fluff, Getting Together, Jamie Benn is bad at feelings, Jordie is right, M/M, No main characters are involved, What else is new, not described in detail but talks of blood and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazling/pseuds/Hazling
Summary: There wasn’t much that phased Jamie. He’d seen countless hockey injuries and broken bones over the year. Hell, he’d seen Jordie’s bone pop right out of his arm when they were younger and Jordie fell out of a tree. It hadn’t phased him. So why was he so bothered by a car accident. Bothered probably wasn’t the right word, Jordie had said traumatized but that felt extreme.





	Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> I read through this a few times but if you catch anything, feel free to tell me :) Comments are always welcomes (tbh I look forward to them)

There wasn’t much that phased Jamie. He’d seen countless hockey injuries and broken bones over the year. Hell, he’d seen Jordie’s bone pop right out of his arm when they were younger and Jordie fell out of a tree. It hadn’t phased him. So why was he so bothered by a car accident. Bothered probably wasn’t the right word, Jordie had said traumatized but that felt extreme.

Jamie grabbed the bottle of whisky again, pouring just a little more into his glass.

I’m not traumatized.

He threw the drink back, shutting his eyes. The scene flashed before him again; shattered glass on the pavement with pools of blood surrounding it. The smashed metal truck frame thrown off the road. Jamie threw his eyes open again, looking straightforward at his stove with the green, electronic letters blaring “2:35 AM” at him. The island barstool dug into his back, making him shift forward to lean on his elbows and stare down at the island counter. His had had a death grip on his whisky glass. Jamie couldn’t seem to loosen his grip, like if he let it go everything else would fall apart too.

The sleeves of his Stars hoodie were pushed up so his forearms were exposed to the cool air of his house. He had on a plain pair of sweats that were usually his most comfortable to sleep in. But now, he couldn’t close his eyes long enough to sleep.

Fuck, Jamie thought, maybe I am a little traumatized.

Jamie stared down at the counter, thinking of anything but the accident. Plays that had blown up in his face, winning the Art Ross, going on walks with Tyler and his dogs. Anything to get his mind off of this. But it kept playing back, slowed down and on a loop. Every second being broken down bit by bit. He just didn’t want to see it anymore.

“You saw someone’s life end, Jamie,” Jordie had said to him through the phone when Jamie called him after he got home that morning, “It’s going to stick in your head. You need to process it and talk to someone about it.” 

He hasn’t talked to anyone about it, of course. It was.. Heavy. Explaining to someone how watching another human being’s life end has made him feel guilty and question his mortality, it just sounds exhausting for not only himself but the listener.

Still, Jamie wanted to call Tyler.

Tyler was just one of those people that could make him feel at ease no matter how he is feeling. Just his raspy voice flowing through a room made Jamie’s mind quiet for just one god damn moment. 

His house was too quiet and the rooms were too empty. He needed something before he lost it.

It took 3 rings for Tyler to answer.

“ ‘ello?” Tyler’s raspy voice came through Jamie’s phone. Jamie’s shoulders relaxed after just one word.

“Hey, I’m sorry. It’s late, shit, I barely even realized. I’ll let you-”

“Jamie. Hey slow down bud, you’re talking over a mile per minute,” Tyler coaxed, “Just breath for a sec, okay? In and out.” 

Jamie listened to him. Just breathing in time with Tyler on the other end of the line. After a handful of minutes, Jamie could breathe again.

“There we go, big guy,” We’ll dissect that one later, Jamie thought before Tyler continued, “Now what’s got you all worked up?”

Jamie knew it was coming but he just couldn’t find it in him to get the words out.

“I just.. There was… Something..” He sputtered, unaware of even how to start to tell Tyler how he’s feeling.

“You’re just Jamie Benn, terrible at words?” Tyler chuckled on the other line. Jamie chuckled back.

“Yeah. Yeah somethin’ like that.”

“Why don’t you come over and we’ll talk about it?”

“Yeah, that wor-” Jamie stopped before he realized he couldn’t. He’d been drinking and it was a dumb idea to even think about getting behind the wheel. He could call an Uber but thinking of being in a car after today made his skin crawl, “Actually could you come here? I’ve been drinking and I just…” 

“Oh,” Tyler said, almost shocked. It was involuntary, he definitely didn’t mean to let it slip. But Tyler knew that if something was bothering him to the point of drinking, it had to be bad.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, it’s fine if you don’t-”

“No, no, it’s okay. I’m on my way right now. Don’t worry about it.” Jamie could hear Tyler rustling to get out of bed. 

“Okay. Okay, thank you,” Jamie stared down at his whiskey glass on the counter next to the half empty bottle, “And Ty?”

“Yeah Jam?” 

“Please drive safe.” Jamie said, closing his eyes. The accident flashed behind his eyelids before he forced them open again.

“Of course, Jamie,” Tyler said earnestly, “I’ll be over in a few.”

“Yeah, okay. I.. I love you, Ty.” Jamie heard Tyler stop moving on the other side of the phone after he said it. He’d never actually said it to Tyler, not in the ‘you’re my bro and I bro-love you’ but in the ‘I actually care about your existence and I want to spend the rest of mine with you’. Now felt as good a time as any. Tyler was about to get into a metal death trap and Jamie was so scared he was going to be hurt.

“I love you too, Jamie,” Tyler said, “I’ll be over in a few, I promise.” And with that Tyler hung up. A crazy part of Jamie’s brain wanted to call Tyler back and demand that they stay on the phone until he gets here but he had a small amount of dignity left.

Without Tyler’s voice, the house was quiet again. The only light was coming from the moon through the windows. Jamie’s feet were getting cold from where his sockless feet were resting on the metal bar of his barstool.

He reached for the whiskey bottle again, looking up at his oven stove.

3:02 AM

Fuck, him and Tyler had been on the phone for a while. He quietly poured another glass and sipped it slow rather than throwing the whole thing back.

God, please be safe, Tyler, was all Jamie could think. All it took was one wrong move and everything could be over. Just like the kid today. 

The images repeated in his head. His brain just kept it on a loop even when his eyes weren’t closed. As much as he wanted to forget it, he also felt guilty. The person didn’t deserve to be forgotten like that. Jamie felt bad not even knowing his name but the police were still working on an ID when he was told he could leave. It was a weird limbo. 

He made it home and quickly changed out of his suit. The suit just made him itch and he needed something that felt safe. He called Jordie giving him the cliffnotes on what happened. Jordie helped him as much as he could from 1,700 miles away. 

 

After they hung up, Jamie tried to sleep for a bit but no matter how comfortable he’d get, his sleep was broken up by violent flashes of what had happened. He gave up around midnight and went to the liquor cabinet.

I’m surprised I’ve only drank half a bottle of Jack at this point, Jamie thought as he threw back the rest of his drink. He went to pour another when a hand reached out on top of his. Jamie jumped in surprise, dropping the bottle of Jack and spilling it onto the counter.

“Shit!” Jamie yelled as he looked up to see who scared him. It was Tyler, of course. Before Jamie could stop himself, he hopped up and pulled Ty into his arms. Tyler was still in his pajamas and warm from sleep. He hugged Jamie back with the same amount of intensity.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“Jam, I knocked like 6 times before I used the key.” Tyler said into Jamie’s shoulder, worry filled his voice.

“Sorry, I was… spaced or somethin’” Jamie pulled back to look at Tyler. His hair was all over the place but he looked good and that helped settle Jamie’s nerves. Tyler smiled softly at Jamie.

“Stop apologizing, it’s okay. I’m here with you now. Why don’t you go pull all the warm blankets onto the couch and I’ll make some of that weird tea that you like.”

“It’s not weird,” Jamie mumbled as he stepped away from Tyler and headed towards his bedroom. He grabbed the softest blankets his mom had bought when he got his new house. Jamie pulled them all onto his couch, making a small cocoon, and plopped himself in the middle of it.

Tyler came into the room with 2 mugs. He put them down on the coffee table before sitting next to Jamie, outside of his cocoon. Tyler reached over Jamie to pop on the small reading light. It’s the first time that Jamie even had a light on since the sun went down, he realized. Turning on the lights just seemed unessential. 

But with the light on, Jamie could see Tyler’s face clearly. He had small bags under his eyes and he had pat down his hair so the curls were in the back of his head. He was giving Jamie a tired smile that Jamie mirrored back. Jamie could imagine that he looked a little hellish right now.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you so much, Jam?” Tyler whispered.

“Well for starters you’re drinking my tea that you claimed was weird and you didn’t like..” Jamie retorted. Tyler looked at him, dropping his face into a look that said ‘I know you’re dodging the topic here, bud, nice try.’

Jamie looked down at his blankets, trying to gather his thoughts before he spoke.

You need to process it and talk to someone about it. Jordie’s voice rang through his head. Maybe the big beaded yeti was right.

“I just…” Jamie stopped, clearing his throat, “There was an accident today.”

Jamie stopped again, shaking his head to clear it of the gruesome images. Tyler reached out and put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. Jamie leaned into the contact.

“Are you okay? Were you involved?” Tyler asked, worry once again seeping into his voice. His eyes did a once over of what parts of Jamie weren’t covered by a blanket.

“I’m fine. I wasn’t involved, I saw the whole thing happen though,” Jamie started, “The police kept me for questioning because I saw it but…”

He paused. His eyes filled with tears as his brain replayed the kid’s final moments. He closed his eyes again and put his head in his hands.

“Jams.. I’m so sorry. That’s hard,” Tyler started, leaning in more so his head was resting on top of Jamie’s, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“That’s okay, it’s.. Rough. I don’t know I’m still processing it and I just… I needed someone here I guess. But if you want to go that's fine, I can call-”

“Are you kidding me? I’m not going anywhere. I’m happy you called me, I’d rather be here with you then at home.” Tyler began petting Jamie’s hair. Jamie lifted up one side of the blanket, inviting Tyler into his safe bubble. Tyler reached forward and grabbed the two mugs before scooching over into Jamie’s side. Tyler handed Jamie a mug, it was at the perfect temperature that wouldn’t scold your hands or tongue.

“I’m sorry though, I know it’s heavy and I don’t want to drag-”

“Jamie, stop apologizing,” Tyler said, grabbing Jamie’s chin to make him look Tyler in the eyes, “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. Now tell me what’s going on in the big head of yours.”

So Jamie told Tyler everything. He left out the gruesome details, Tyler didn’t need to know those. What he did tell Tyler was about how he, for some reason, felt guilty. He wants to wipe his mind of what he had seen but he felt like he owed it to this person to remember their final moments. This was their final moments on Earth and he felt bad just wiping that from his mind.

Jamie also told Tyler about how small life feels now. How everything can change on a dime and he’s so afraid of leaving things unsaid now. Tyler took a moment to soak that one in.

“So when you said you loved me…” Tyler started.

“I meant it.” Jamie mumbled, finding his cooled tea to be the most interesting thing in the world. He didn’t dare raise his eyes. Even though Tyler said it back, he could have meant it differently. It was also probably a weird time to tell someone I love you, at 3AM after seeing something traumatizing.

Actually that seems like-

“Jamie. I meant it too.” Tyler said, using his hand to pull Jamie’s face up and looking at him. Jamie took a sip of his tea which just made Tyler smile something soft at him.

“Really?” Jamie breathed out. Tyler giggled.

“Yes, really. How could I not love you? You’ve been one of the most important people in my life and you’re the only person who can make me happy when I need it most. I love you, Jamie Benn.”

Jamie leaned forward and pressed a kiss on Tyler’s lips. It felt like the most fragile thing in the world. They held it there for a minute, not really moving just staying in their own little bubble. Tyler pulled away first and ran his hand down Jamie’s arm. Jamie just revealed in the feeling of being held so softly.

“I love you too, Tyler Seguin.” Jamie whispered back to Tyler. He leaned forward and placed his head on Tyler’s shoulder. Suddenly, everything felt like it was going to be okay and he felt like he could finally sleep.

“As much as I’d love to sleep on the couch, why don’t we move on over to your room to sleep. We’ll both feel better in the morning.” Tyler ran his hands through Jamie’s hair as he said it. He was so entranced that all Jamie could do was nod his head.

Tyler let out a breathless laugh and pulled Jamie’s mug from his hand before Jamie could stop him.

“Nooo wait, I wanna finish that,” Jamie mumbled as he pulled it back to him and downed at least half, “It’s my favorite, I don’t wanna waste it.”

Tyler just smiled at Jamie before Jamie could duck his head and blush. Tyler gently grabbed his chin and made him look up.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Tyler said, pressing a small kiss to Jamie’s temple. Jamie just closed his eyes and for the first time all day, he didn’t see the blood and tragedy. He felt so safe with Tyler next to him and he felt like even if life was so small and everything would inevitably end, at least he was loved by the most important person in the world to him. Jamie finished off the rest of his team before looking back to Tyler.

“You better not have wasted my good tea.”

Tyler tipped his cup toward Jamie and it was empty. Jamie was amazed.

“I thought you hated it..” He whispered.

“It can’t be that bad if it’s your favorite.”

Jamie grabbed Tyler by the back of his neck and kissed him on the lips once more. This time it felt less fragile and more steady. Tyler kissed back with everything he had. It didn’t last long, Jamie was exhausted and there was no doubt that Tyler was too. Jamie hopped off the couch first and pulled Tyler up with him.

“Come on, let’s go to sleep.” Jamie put his hand in Tyler’s and pulled him toward the bedroom. The room was cloaked in darkness. Jamie flipped on the light and the room was still as big of a mess as he had left it that morning. His suit was on the floor rather than in a hamper, his bed had the clankets thrown every which way from when he was trying to sleep, and one pillow was thrown across the room.

“Sorry it’s a bit messy.” Jamie scratched the back of his neck with his free hand as he walked Tyler further into the room.

“It’s okay, you’ve seen my house when the dogs have had free reign.” Tyler whispered. Tyler reached the bed first as Jamie went to pick up the pillow from across the room. Tyler watched as Jamie moved. He seemed lighter than when Tyler had first got to his house. His movements were less lethargic and his shoulders weren’t pulled down as much. Jamie threw the pillow onto the bed and met Tyler’s eyes.

“What?” Jamie asked, kinda confused as to why Tyler was staring at him. Tyler scootched back on the bed until his head rested on the pillows, right in the centre of the bed. Tyler folded back the blankets and crawled under them, peeling them further to fit Jamie. He opened his arms toward Jamie. 

“Come here.” Who was Jamie to say no. He crawled right into Tyler’s arms and angled his weight so it wasn’t directly on top of Tyler. He pulled the blanket up to cover the both of them. Their bodies were linked together, legs tangled and arms around one another as if someone was going to pull them apart.

“Jordie was right,” Jamie began quietly, “Maybe talking to someone did help. Now it all isn’t so bad. I mean the world still feels small but at least I have you.”

Tyler squeezed him a little closer as he spoke.

“I’m totally telling Jordie that you said he was right.”

“Please don’t, it would be the end of both of us as we know it.” Jamie chuckled. Tyler reached over and clicked off the light. The room was once more pitch black but not in the way that made Jamie afraid he was going to get eaten alive by a demon. More in a safe way. But that could have been Tyler surrounding him. It was easier to drift off as he matched his breathing to the rhythm of Tyler’s heart. 

The next morning, or afternoon, Jamie woke up to the smell of coffee wafting through his house. The bedroom was still dark, thanks to the blackout curtains he had, and Tyler was nowhere to be found. Jamie climbed out of bed and flicked on the light next to his bed. The room was better then it had looked last night. His clothes were cleaned up, his blankets that were on the floor were placed nearly in a pile on the bed. Jamie’s phone was plugged into the charger next to him even though he’s pretty sure he left it on the counter in the kitchen last night.

Tyler must have straightened up, Jamie thought as he continued onward to the ensuite bathroom. Once he turned the light on in there he could see how shitty he looked. His eyes had bags under them and his hair was greasy from where he’d ran his fingers through it last night. He faintly smelled like the whisky he’d knocked back and ended up spilling onto his hoodie. He threw off the hoodie, went to the bathroom, washed his hands and left the bathroom before he could analyze how tired he looked in the mirror some more.

He headed out of his room towards the kitchen. When he passed the living room, he noticed that the blanket had been folded and their mugs were gone. He followed the smells of food into the kitchen. His stomach rumbled, he hadn’t eaten since early yesterday. Tyler still hadn’t heard him creep into the room as he bopped along to the music he had quietly playing off his phone. He was faced away from the doorway which gave Jamie an opportunity to check him out as he sawyed his hips to the music. Jamie's eyes landed on the counter, last night he had left the small spill of whisky on the counter, alongside the bottle of Jack and his glass. But it was all gone now. 

Tyler cleaned up after me again.

Jamie’s thoughts didn’t go much further as Tyler spun around and finally noticed Jamie in the kitchen.

“Oh! Good afternoon, gorgeous.” Tyler said, letting his eyes wander down over Jamie’s bare chest.

“Good afternoon. What’re you cookin’?” Jamie said, walking across the room and wrapping his arms around Tyler. Tyler smiled up at him and placed a small kiss on Jamie’s cheek.

“Some french toast, it was all I knew how to cook without burning it.” Tyler replied before breaking out of Jamie’s hold and going back to the stove.

“Sounds unhealthy, I love it.” Jamie chuckled. He went over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup before pouring another for Tyler.

Tyler thanked him as he turned off the stove and put a plate of 10 french toast pieces in the counter. Jamie placed a kiss on Tyler’s head before grabbing a plate.

“Thank you,” He paused, “Hey Ty, thank you for everything really. You didn’t have to come here last night and help me but I’m so grateful that you did. And thank you for cleaning up after all of that, you really didn’t have to-”

“Hey now, I wanted to be here. Thank you for trusting me with something. I wanted to help you feel better. I love you, Jam.” Tyler said.

“I love you, too Ty.”

Tyler smiled at him, placed one kiss on his lips and grabbed a plate. Before Jamie could grab one of his own, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out to see it was two text from Jordie.

“Happy you 2 kids got ur shit together ;)”  
“U should listen to me more often, I’m always right”

Jamie looked up from his phone to see a giggling Tyler across the counter.

Yeah, things we’re going to be okay from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a car accident and was a little shook. Here is my coping I guess. Thank you for reading :)


End file.
